


Anodyne

by The_Readers_Muse



Category: To the Lake, To the Lake (2020)
Genre: Angst, Apocalypse, Drama & Romance, Emotional Constipation, F/M, Infection, Plague, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:15:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27823600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Readers_Muse/pseuds/The_Readers_Muse
Summary: She was stuck there. Contagious.
Relationships: Pavel & Irina, Pavel/Irina
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	Anodyne

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own "To the Lake" or any of the show's characters, wishful thinking aside.
> 
> Authors Note #1: Because Pavel was the best character on the show and I will take zero criticism. Set between Episode 4-5 when Pavel and Irina first meet, then reunite on the bridge during the riot with the ambulance. I wanted to examine his thought process on this because we are introduced to this character on the basis of him saying women are too complicated and then our boy get's immediately wacked with a 4x4 of love at first sight. What a king.
> 
> Warnings: drama, romance, angst, unresolved romantic tension, unresolved sexual tension, emotional constipation, plague, infectious diseases.

His heart lived in his throat these days. Tight behind his carotid like the start of anaphylaxis. It was on the deadly side of flirtatious, he knew. Something his psychiatrist would ask about before reaching for his note pad and upping his prescriptions. Sternly cheerful about how it was nothing a fitness regime or breathing exercises wouldn't cure. And if it didn't take, if his anxiety was still stuck there, like an internal sin, they would talk it over next session.

Only there'd never been another session.

In fact, he was pretty sure Doctor Strauss had died alone in the hallway on the fourth day.

Or maybe that was someone else.

He hadn't had time to process, so maybe it was just a new avoidance disorder rearing its head. He couldn't guarantee anything. Not anymore. He hadn't slept in at least forty-eight hours. He felt irradiated. Burned out. Because when the world ended, nothing else had. He had an overflowing ICU with patients he had no idea how to treat. He had cut phone lines and no word from the CDC. No more food in the cafeteria. No medical supplies. And nurses who'd started to rattle coughs that screamed like fear through the hospital corridors. He had infected blood dripping from his mouth and people backing away. He had to keep working as everyone started dying. And suddenly, exactly when he wasn't expecting it, there was _her_. And now something else was living under his skin.

It was an infection of a different kind, he supposed.

And while he couldn't claim to have much of a sense of humor, he couldn't help but see the irony. That while he'd lived and everyone at the hospital had died, it wasn't until her that he understood what it meant. _That he was alive._ And it might even mean something.

He'd meant what he said to Uncle Kolya. Women - relationships - had never been high on his hierarchy of Machiavellian needs. He could compartmentalize sexual frustration. After all, every man knew how to take himself in hand. But it wasn't until she'd flipped him on the floor of the van, taking him enough by surprise that he forgot to flinch when she put the contact in his eye. That something in him- something that had always been polite and orderly, stirred awake.

Because she was nothing like him. She was dark and loud. Bright and saturated with too much rage to fit inside her body. She was a magnet. A direct opposite that shouldn't have attracted, but here he was. Throat raw with the idea of never seeing her again. He understood her - her flaws, her better points - more than he'd understood any woman since the womb. She was open to him and he'd been lost, captured, from that very first meeting. Recognizing her in that natural way he'd only ever read about. As if the universe had shrugged, letting him see the entire picture. The moment where you sigh and smile. Like- _oh, there you are, I've been waiting for you_.

He wanted to stay.

He'd known her all but a handful of hours and he wanted to stay.

It had been hard to reconcile, the oath he'd took and her.

He made a promise to a boy he knew was dead. Dead likely hours after he and Uncle Kolya left to get medical supplies. There were other patients. A few nurses. The last ones standing. They were waiting for him. But even then, he felt the tug to stay as they drove away. He had to swallow it. The kiss that hadn't happened. The burning resentment when Uncle Kolya spun Natalie in slow circles on the empty dance floor. He wanted to be with Irina. Enough that he'd taken out the boy's picture so he could remind himself. But it hadn't helped, because the next picture was of her.

She was stuck there. _Contagious_.

He'd been angry at himself, more than anything. For being more upset about not being with her than back at the hospital with his patients. It was a fractured sort of dichotomy. Something that went against everything he'd been taught. But he still wanted.

And maybe that was why when they were attacked on the bridge, somehow he knew the gunshots that cleared the riot were hers. Her teeth all but in his heart as she pulled him away, holding his head as he struggled weakly. Muting his cries for Koyla until his thoughts spun out. Barely able to focus on her outline as he was hauled into the back of the van, tires skidding in the snow.

Life had become very strange.

But he knew better than to say it aloud.

She would have probably called him an idiot if he had.

And she would have been right.

**Author's Note:**

> Reference:
> 
> \- Anodyne: a medicine that relieves or allays pain. Anything that relieves distress or pain.


End file.
